The internet is full of references to bizarre or just plain stupid laws in the U.S. We’ve come up with what we think are the top ten. We actually were able to verify a number of these. As for the others, well if they do exist, we need to take a long, hard look at who’s running the asylum. They are listed in ascending order of ridiculousness.
10. In California, it is illegal to capture or sell a chipmunk. We believe this is also known as Alvin’s Law.
9. In New Mexico, idiots are not entitled to vote. What’s stupid is that the same law doesn’t prevent the idiots from running for office.
8. In Louisiana, it’s a crime for fans to insult or disparage a player at a sporting event.
Fan #1 (frustrated): Gosh darn it, that’s the second time that fellow fumbled. I really don’t think he’s adequately focused.
Fan#2 (hissing under his breath): Good Lord, man, keep your voice down! The criticism police are all over this place.
7. In Arkansas, fish cannot be electrocuted. However, the statute does not ban death by firing squad, hanging, or lethal injection.
6. In the State of Washington, it is a felony to harass Bigfoot.
Prosecutor: And what did the defendant do when you asked him to leave you alone?
Bigfoot: He made a strange gesture with one of his digits. And then he said I should lose the monkey suit and start acting like a normal human being.
Prosecutor: And how did that make you feel?
Bigfoot (sobbing) : It traumatized me, and it triggered a major identity crisis. Frankly, I’ve had to seek professional help because I found myself questioning my own existence.
5. In Ohio, fowl are not allowed access to bakeries.
Cop: Can’t you read, rooster? The sign says “No Fowl Allowed”. It’s the law.
Rooster: Screw the law! I have rights, and I’m not leaving here without a cheese danish.
Cop: That’s it, wiseguy. You’re coming with me.
Rooster (being dragged out in handcuffs): ATTICA! ATTICA!
4. In Illinois, anyone who sells reptiles has to advise the buyer not to kiss it.
Seller: Look, bud, you think I haven’t been tempted by that iguana. I mean the sultry stare and oofah… that thong. I’m sweating just talking about it. BUT YOU STILL CAN’T KISS HER!
3. In North Carolina, all garbage fed to swine must be thoroughly cooked.
Waiter: Is there a problem?
Swine: First of all, let me say that the garlic bread was pure heaven. But I do feel that the slop du jour is a tad underdone. Would you have them nuke it for about 45 seconds, if you don’t mind?
Waiter: I can assure you, monsieur, that the slop is always cooked to perfection.
Swine (eyeing his smartphone): Do we need to get the authorities involved? Hmm?
2. In Oregon, it is illegal to strap a child to the hood of a car.
Motorist: I’m not sure why you’re pulling me over, officer.
Police Officer: You got a kid attached to the front of your vehicle.
Motorist: Oh that. No, no, officer, that’s a customized hood ornament. You can ask our used car salesman, Lefty. He’ll confirm it.
Police Officer: Oh, okay. Must have been the screaming that threw me off. You folks enjoy the rest of your day.
And, the number one stupidest law in the United States is:
1. In Michigan, it is illegal to serve diseased food without consent.
Waiter: Are we ready to order?
Lady: I’m not all that hungry. I’ll just have the Salmonella Salad.
Gentleman: Well, I’m famished. I’ll have the veal Ebola, with a side order of pasta with pestilence sauce. And, while we’re waiting for the food, I’ll take a gin and bubonic.
Waiter: Excellent choices. Now, if you’ll just be good enough to sign this release.